


white camellias

by matsubroka



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Gen, camilla deserved better ok sorry, fuck u fe fates writing team, leoniles if u squint really hard at one sentence, man boy i wish that Camilla actually had a character!!, they/them for corrin, this is also sad and written at 2 am
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-06 10:02:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11598315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/matsubroka/pseuds/matsubroka
Summary: She knew. She had known her whole life, actually. She never wanted this. There was never a time that she had wanted to ascend the throne. Luckily, she thought she would never have to worry about that. Xander was always there.She never would've imagined this duty to fall to her.





	white camellias

**Author's Note:**

> no beta we die like men

She knew. She had known her whole life, actually. She never wanted this. There was never a time that she had wanted to ascend the throne. Luckily, she thought she would never have to worry about that. Xander was always there.

 

Strong, loving, proud Xander. His whole life was spent preparing to take the throne from their father. At least that's what it felt like to Camilla. He studied hard, trained even harder, and still had the strength to protect their family from whatever may come. He had spent his whole life protecting them. He spent his whole life making sure they would never see the throne.

 

She never would've imagined this duty to fall to her.

 

She never wanted to.

 

Not like this.

 

The camellias on her desk still seemed bright, though. Pink camellias; longing. White camellias; purity, love. Not in this case. These white camellias were for mourning the dead.  

 

Xander was gone, with Elise. To somewhere better, somewhere safer. It was just her and Leo. Proud little Leo, her lion.

 

Corrin, one that she _thought_ was family, was staying with those _filthy_ Hoshidans. Sure, she did her best to act like she was on good terms with them. But the fact still stands, they tore apart her family. It will _never_ be the same again.

 

Corrin did it. Camilla thought they were better than that. In her mind, she wanted to forgive them. Her heart, however, had different intentions. Xander and Elise were _gone_. They would never be back. She can't look at Corrin for too long, it makes her sick to her stomach.

 

It makes her sick to know that Corrin is having a grand old time with their _new_ family. Neglecting the ones that were with them for, you know, their whole life. It wasn't her fault that Corrin was kidnapped, all she could do was welcome them with open arms. That's what she did.

 

She did what she thought was right.

 

Wrong, apparently.

 

That's why she's where she is now.

 

Sitting in front of her desk, pen and paper in front of her. She needs to finish her letter soon, she doesn't have much time left. She debated which words to grace the page with, which words would be the last her brother heard from her.

 

Her brother. Leo.

 

He didn't deserve this. He was born to be something greater than the unwanted king of an undesirable nation. He could've been something _amazing_ . That kid has talent, she knows this. She wanted better for him, but she's just too damn _weak_.

 

She was too weak to kill Corrin before they got to Xander and Elise. Too weak to protect her family. Too weak to _live_ . She can't _live_ with herself. She could've fucking _done_ something.

 

She sighs, looking back down at the paper. What can you say to someone you love so much? What can you say, knowing you'll never see them again? She has so much to tell him, yet can't articulate it. She wants to give him several novels worth of words, not a flimsy piece of parchment.

 

Her pen shakes in her hand, as tears soak the paper. She can't even do this right.

 

She let Xander die. She let Elise die. She's leaving Leo alone. She makes herself sick.

 

She _wanted_ to take the throne. God, she wanted to do it, if only for Leo. That boy deserved the world and more. But she couldn't.

 

She never could.

 

She always knew.

 

She was never strong enough.

 

_My darling Leo,_

 

The poem flowed from her fingertips, knowing that it would never be enough. It won't replace her, it won't help Leo. She could never help him. She scrapped her first piece of paper.

 

All she can do is grace him with her last few words of encouragement, her last pleas for him to make something out of this country, out of his life. _He was put here for greater things._

 

Maybe she was too. Maybe, in different circumstances, Xander would still be here. Elise, too. Xander would proudly sit upon the throne basically made for him, and they would all clap and laugh and joke about how "Oh, we never saw _this_ coming!" Even though it was Xander's only reason for living.

 

Besides his family, of course.

 

_My Darling Leo._

 

_When the sun rises next_

_I'll be gone to the world..._

 

No, that's not right. Her time was running out, she needed to get this fucking _right._  She crumpled her second piece of paper, throwing it somewhere far from her. Maybe she should scrap the idea of a note all together.

 

But then Leo would hate her. He'll probably hate her anyway, but at least he would have something to hold on to, something to know that he was loved.

 

_Dear Leo,_

 

Her whole note consisted of apologies, and words of encouragement. She couldn't count on her hands the number of times she told him how proud she was, how much she loved him, how much she'll miss him. How sorry she is. How fucking _sorry_ she is.

 

Her poor darling Leo will be all alone again. But it's better this way. He has his retainers, she would just get in the way. I mean, she already ruined his life by passing the throne on to him.

 

_Forgive me, this is all I can leave you with. The throne and three siblings gone. You deserve more. You deserve better, so much better. I wish I could give you a sliver of what you deserve._

 

The letter was one giant apology, the words blending together. Well, Leo would understand the main theme, at least. He always did love reading.

 

_It's quite a large task for your small shoulders. But I'm sure you can do it. You've always been great. You'll always be great._

 

Her tears almost swept away that line.

 

_I'm so proud of you. If only you could know how proud you make me. How loved you are. My brother, my sunshine, my light. I'll give you the strength that I've seemed to misplace. Use it wisely._

 

Those lines were all smudged. She hoped Leo would be able to read it. She reached out and touched the bouquet of camellias sitting in her vase. They were always Leo's favorite. He said they reminded him of her.

 

Longing and mourning, huh. Perfect.

 

_This world, is in your hands. A daunting task, I know. But you've always rose to the challenge. I'm so, so proud of you. You've grown so much._

 

As she rereads her note over and over and over, she can't help but cry. Not cry, but _weep_ . Weeping came from your heart. Weeping took something out of your whole _body._

 

She carefully sealed her note, with all the smudges and tear stains to keep it candid, and placed a single white camellia on top of it.

 

Leo would understand. She hoped he would.

 

The last line of her note rings in her head, as she begins to feel a little faint.

 

_I'll make sure to tell Elise and Xander how much you've grown. I'm sure they'd be ecstatic. See you soon. Camilla_

 

Maybe the blood loss was finally getting to her, or maybe she had always been a little sentimental. Her weeping didn't cease, but she thought of Leo and smiled. He would be okay, he had that white haired archer with him. They would guide this country.

 

She took one final look at her camellias. Funny how something so beautiful can really be something so heart wrenchingly bitter. _Kinda like you, eh?_

 

A small smile graced her lips, she would finally be reunited with the rest of her family. They could wait for Leo, he deserved a fulfilling life.

 

Her vision began to blur, as she laid back to look at the sky. The stars were always so beautiful. Leo and Elise always loved them.

 

She closed her eyes.

 

The stars took her away.

**Author's Note:**

> haha man really love camillas character!! Love for her to have one someday!! ok but seriously camilla had so much potential and im bitter also i love her. and this made me cry at 2 am while i was writing this. hmu on [twitter @reiialt](https://twitter.com/reiialt) and [tumblr](http://reen-matsubroka.tumblr.com/)


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